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God,

How is it that I can be so full of joy, yet so unhappy? You have been so good to me and I so horrible to You and yet your grace truly drowns me. I wish I could be like that. Help me to become more as You are.

I want to have the right intentions, but I'm not there yet. Help me. I can't do this without you.

Thank you for friends...and the agape love that comes with. I couldn't ask for more.

Your Son,

-Me

I am focusing more on You, and less on me.

You've shown me myself in a deeper sense than I imagined.

Thank You for being patient with me.

Could it be that all sin is our doomed attempt to fill the need for God with something besides Him? I came across this question while reading a passage of text the other night. I can't seem to find an answer to this question and it's bugging me. I feel like my sins are "catching up" to me and causing me to feel all kinds of mixed emotions. Depression even. Not chronic, but acute depression. It feels as if sometimes I feel so dark and alone in this world and there's just no point to anything: life, earth, or even God. But it only lasts between a couple minutes and a few hours. Never more than a day and then I am fine for awhile. What is causing this? How do I escape this? How do I heal from these sins? Does it take more than reading a Christian book to make everything better?

But maybe the healing of sin isn't found shelved in neat packages of Christian how-to's. Could this be partly because God's idea of healing goes much deeper than mere behavior modification? It seems I keep stumbling into the fact that a spirituality of rules and rituals doesn't fit with the degree of transformation God wants to bring into my life. I can only attempt to think what flaws of mine I use to seek or meet a need my own way that only God Himself can fill.

And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
And get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
With no problems.

I wish life would just slow down. I need to enjoy the moments more, but it seems as though I can't because life just keeps on going. No pause button. It's frustrating me.

I'm sorting through my priorities. I'm trying to define who I am and who I am not. I am trying to figure out who I want to be. I'm working on my resume. I have some amazing experiences on there. But I've been letting that define me, and it shouldn't be that way. My treasures aren't the things on this earth, but in my eternal future with God. I'm trying to remember that every day.

This past year I've become much more independent. I know this because I like being on my own. Going home from college just isn't as exciting. Sometimes I don't want to go home. I have a new home and I don't like leaving it.

I want to start today tomorrow.